Monday, August 22, 2005

Well, it certainly seems as tho I have slowed down on my blogging doesn't it
My life is a busy place these days, and there is a consistent trend of positive growth
Steps in the right direction, finally
I believe anyway
There is prosperity in the breeze for me, and I am taking every opportunity that I can to make it grow and shine.
Strangely, on the rare moments, when I do find a moment or two to be on here, I find myself oddly at peace.
Serenity, Tranquility, emotions I would not have attached to myself in a million years.
quite literally so
The point being, I am at peace, at least allmost
And things are coming together
Forgive my lack of blogging, being simply at peace doesn't always leave one with much to say

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Recent Homework

Recently, I gave a friend of mine the homework of coming up with a list of ten things, ten things this friend must find that she likes about herself.
I thought this posting would maybe help her along...

Ten Things I like about me:

1. My endurance, focus, and patience....
When first I had gone looking for it, I wasn't very patient at all, now I have learnt, with patience and preserverance...good things will come.

2. My healing and intuition.
This at first, i had found to be somewhat of a curse, and didn't like what it brought to me, my unique skills and abilities, brought nothing to me but pain, and isolation.
As one who is very sensitive, to energy, and people's moods and aura's, I took it all very personally, and learnt a low self-esteem. I felt that I did not belong, and was not well liked.
I learned instead to be alone.
When in a position faced by society, I hide who I am, or used to anyway...Because it always led to rejection and hurt. I did this with my friends, and most importantly, did this with my family...
with anyone close to me. It was better not to let you know then experience your displeasure.
I became used to being a fuck up in the eyes of everyone around me.
The unique thing that comes with this perspective, is as soon as you have convinced yourself, that no one likes you, and everyone rejects you, it doesn't matter anymore.
It just doesn't matter what they think.
This is how that I found the freedom to find myself again.
This is why I sometimes may come off rude, or defensive...the point is, it doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter what you think.
From the lowest point possible to be...I found me...
This is what gave me my healing and my intuition.
I am proud of what I have become.

3. My ability to suffer greatly, and still learn to thrive, becoming more then survival, and finding out the deeper qualities of life, hanging on when nothing seems left anymore, and bouncing back to be whole again. Self sustanaince.
Again, I know there may be differencing of opinions in this matter...but as I have stated rather clearly above...I really don't give a fuck, when I fell, there was no one to lower me down.
When I picked myself up, there was no one to lean on. When it matters the most, we have only ourselves... So? by whose judgements, should I hold my lifes acclaim?
Remember the story of Henny Penny and who shall help me make the Bread?

4. My ability for forgiveness.
I have looked deeply into the souls of those who would harm me...and found only their pain. I have walked more then a mile in darkness...and felt within myself the same.
There is no such thing as no forgiving. I see your soul, and who and what you are, even if you will never change, it is the beauty of your destruction, and the forces with wich you carry, that allows us to grow and overcome, allows us to rise to the challenge, and face our own darkness...
Allows us to play out the great human game.

5. My strength and my passion.
These things are what motivates me to survive. Again there are those of you who would disagree entirely, ask my husband, for he claims I haven't any at all...

6. I love my eyes. They are cool

7. My incessantly Inquisitive nature, that drive that makes me need to know and want to know, more, how and why
I am always learning and always growing.

8. My humbleness
This is what makes it possible for me to truly connect with other people, and help make a difference in their lives

9. My ability to walk alone, and in so doing, find all of the things that I love

10. The depth of my soul

Also I was given the homework of finding three things about each day, that I was most succesful with, and pleased with, I will not be doing that here.
However, Here, I shall make a listing of my 10 greatest accomplishments.
These are easy...
They are...

1. Connor Arkady William Paul McNeill

2. Emerald Ivy McNeill

3. Cassandra Michelle McNeill

4. Sasha Kiarra McNeill

5. Zachary Ryan McNeill

6. Living the last 10 years with Marc

7. Surviving from about the age of 9 on...
this, as far as I can tell, was the beginning of my dark journey, here in this life.

8. Being rated as one of the top psychics in Canada

9. Warring against our federal government and winning

10. The fact that through it all, my sense of humanity has survived, and I am still ready willing and able to work towards my own healing, my healings for the planet, and yet connect with ppl on an individual level, giving of myself and offering, help, assistance, and connections, when and where I can.
This my friends is truly a miracle

Friday, August 05, 2005

My deepest and humblest apologies...

To my very whole self
For not taking the time for me these last few weeks.
As for those of you who check things out around here...
this should explain why I haven't been around.
It has been terribly busy
To busy for fantasies and poetry.

However today I reached my first goal.
The first real and acheivable one I have stepped forward for.
And I reached it

To all seven of you who helped me manifest this weeks goal, I thank you
deeply and kindly,
From the center of my soul.

Manifestation, occurs, when one learns to put one foot in the other.
When one learns just too breathe
This is the lesson of the gateway for the week

Do not forget my friends, this month is a month of deep rooted issues, core issues, surfacing to be faced and dealt with.
Now is the time when you can heal your soul.
Remember not god, nor the devil, nor the angels nor demons created
Remember only you and your very own soul
Remember the divinity within you, for yes,
light or dark you are divine my friend.
You are the divine.